trying to forget that glastonbury is on...

so as i predicted, i am terrible at keeping a blog. I am first going to blame this on exams. Revising for 2 was hard y'all. no lie. don't know how people do more. and then it's been sunny since finishing, so I don't have time to sit and write. BUT i do want to have some musings on finishing and stuff so it's going to be like a back dated blog. maybe like time traveling if you will (watching too much dr who currently).

so to keep this one short and sweet, i am going to update you on my leg. So two days after I had my last exam I had an MRI. thanks NHS. When I want to celebrate, you want to hold me. BOO YOU. though I still went out the night before and rocked up at the hospital with 4 hours sleep. In my mind, this made sense, I could be more relaxed. Now I knew MRI's were scary, eg the ridiculous amount of magnetism around it and all these scary questions about metal being in me. no i've never had metal in my eye, and surely you should know if I have a pace maker?

So they take me to the machine. It's huge. When you see them on tv, they don't look that big but i assure you they are massive. the rooms are often built around them. but the little round bit where you go in - TINY. seriously have no idea how fat people, or even people just slightly wider than me get in there. thank god my head didn't go in. It would've been so scary. The part that they take the picture of has to be central in the machine, luckily has a tall person, my head didnt get to go in but was on the edge of the machine. So my leg was in a strap thing, and I couldn't move and had some big earphones on coz it was 'noisy' and like a squidgy thing to get someone if i wanted to come out. then the lady left, and the machine started up, like three clicks which were kind of loud but not that bad. I was like this is fine. But then the lady came back about 10 mins later and was like 'its not working, we are going to reboot it'. ok fine. so i sat up for a bit. then it was ready and i went back in, my head edging closer to the claustrophobic gap. the clicks came...

THEN THE WORSE NOISE EVER INVENTED BY MAN. oh my days. how people have an mri scan of their brain, i don't know, you'd go deaf. the noise was a cross between a fire alarm and a fog horn being directly blown into your ears. SCARY. i couldn't relax, all i could do was count backwards the numbers shown on the panel above me. I came out shaking and my ears ringing.

anyway I got my results this week, another early trip to the hospital. Went to the fracture clinic, which whenever i hear this makes me think of theme hospital, like the bloaty head clinic but there was also a fracture clinic run by a nurse. So got into a little ward, which was basically a long room sectioned off with walls and curtains, and behind the curtains the nurses and doctors could move around. they do not pull the curtains. So I sat on the bed whilst they pulled up my mri video. weirdly they hadnt seen it until I was sitting right there. great news. then I sat there whilst they GOOGLED what was wrong with me. it was at this moment i felt sick and lost all confidence. now i understand doctors and nurses can't hold everything in their brains at once, but when your an expert on the knee area, you should probs know something. like I don't have to google anything about why gay black man invented voguing, it's there stored. there were no windows. it was hot. so the nurse told me there was nothing wrong (erm so why were you googling stuff then?) and that the reason it happened is because I have slightly higher knee caps than a usual person aka knobbly knees, but physio at least once a week will get rid of the locked knee, unless something tiny is still in there. so she did some physio and was perfectly nice but I did decide to get fainty and sicky. so they had to get me a fan, whilst i acted like a big girls blouse. i mean there was a guy next to me who was told his football playing days were over. and here dear readers is why I don't play sport, what if I had been all sporty and enjoyed it and stuff and then told I could never do the thing I loved again, that would be devastating. So instead I chose not too, so if I do harm myself (which is likely, I'm very clumsy) I won't get that upset.

So I begin physio next week. I know it's going to be painful, but even the nurse the other day doing some stuff has made it so much better (as well as mentally knowing its ok). This is enough posting for today. I will update more or backdate more later. Instead I'm going to sit in my room and cry whilst I watch how amazing glastonbury is, especially in this awesome weather. ONE DAY I WILL BE THERE. ONE DAY.